The Mess that Leads Home

With the Olympics going on, you'd think my post would be focused on the girls who try their best, but don't succeed. Nope... instead it's about getting what I need instead of what I want.  In case you haven't realized it, yes I'm quoting Coldplay right now.  I recently saw them in concert and they played the song "Fix You".  Going to bed tonight, I couldn't help but think of its lyrics. 

For fear of my horoscope for the day coming true (thank you Metro), I won't give you the dirty laundry secrets of today's events. But lets just say someone very important to me disappointed me, my family, and those close to me (including my boyfriend).  My emotions have been all over the place today... but the biggest one was actually surrounding the fact that today, Aug. 7, was the day I was supposed to come home from serving in Atlanta.  Instead of coming home to everyone embracing me, pampering me, being proud of me, I spent the day filled with shame and guilt for my part in the events that unfolded, and I was surrounded by the hurt caused to me and others by this one person's decisions. 

What am I getting at?  Well, on the one hand- I'm disappointed.  That my day didn't go as planned. That being home this summer has led to some hard relationship truths.  That instead of being the hero of the summer, I felt like the big screw up.  "When you try your best, but you don't succeed... when you lose something you can't replace".  But how does the song end?  "Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones, and I will try to fix you".  This mess that I got myself into... that this person got us all into... must have some redeeming qualities about it.  There must be a lesson for each of us.  And I'm already starting to see it.  It's challenging me personally, relationally, and even professionally.  Despite coming home expecting to find the next world war and anger directed my way, I found grace and a sense of calm.  Which, honestly, might be more real than the grandeur welcome home I might have received.  As they say at the end of the song, "Tears stream down you're face... I promise you I will learn from these mistakes".  May we all look back on our recent mistakes and failures as messes that in reality lead us home.