So I was at the mall today and saw this for sale. I love these little sayings... they usually make you smile and think, man life is great. But then I started really thinking about the meaning, and how perfectly this fits into my life right now in a somewhat frustrating way.
Long story short, I though I'd be in Atlanta for the summer serving with a Christian mission organization called YouthWorks. It didn't work out... rather quickly in fact. I have struggled with anxiety for most of my life (maybe that will be another post... then again, who really wants to hear someone go on and on about their struggles when we all have them?) and it came on like never expected while in Atlanta, so I had to return home to be healthy. I went through this whole version of the Kubler-Ross DABDA grief process- tiredness, anger, questioning, acceptance, enjoyment, frustration. I knew that after the first few weeks of lounging, doing some part-time work, and being with friends and family that the little voice in my head would start going off. Sure enough, it has. This time that I am supposed to "enjoy" wasting, according to the sign, has become time that seems to go on and on with little enjoyment and mostly frustration coming from it.
Staying busy is basically one of my defining qualities. So at this point mid summer, I'm beginning to go a little... ok, a lot... stir crazy. I recently said to my boyfriend "what is my purpose anymore? I'm not doing the things that are important to me!" The reality is, though, that I am. I'm seeing friends. I'm being supportive to my family (did I mention I'm living at home for the first time in about 4 years?) I'm volunteering at a local organization (www.hgrm.org). And I'm resting by reading, doing art, walking my dog. So maybe in these little moments where I think, gosh I did nothing today..., I need to stop and think about the ways I did enjoy the day- and how that enjoyment means there was no wasted time.
What will you do this weekend to "waste" time for the purpose of enjoying life?
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